Pitfalls and prat-falls

For me one of the main barriers to playing cricket was physical inhibition. The same demon on the shoulder which had prevented me from dancing at family weddings, swimming at the local pool or joining in with a kick around at the park since I was six years old. Lack of physical confidence holds back a lot of children, especially girls, from trying sports and other activities which lend themselves to prat-falls. Is it in our nature, or are we nurtured into people with, or without body confidence?

At home, aside from the fact that my mum eschewed all kinds of sport I was never given the impression I should be bad at sport. My dad's input was to give me a complete arrogance about my abilities in most areas – I believed I could do anything I wanted until I began to realize that it would require some hard work. I don't think he ever encouraged me to play sports but in a general sense I was a fairly confident child. Intelligence was prized. My dad felt he had missed out on a university education and wanted his children to study. He impressed on us that we 'had brains'.

At school I was academic, but lazy. I read copiously and got into writing at a relatively early age. My teachers lamented that I could excel if I applied myself, I had the brains, they said, if I would use them. My secondary school had, generally, a poor academic standard which made me and a small group of friends the cream of the crop. We were the half a dozen kids to pass 5 or 6 GCSEs at C+. It was okay for us to hate sport because we had brains.

And I did hate sport. Sport was played by kids who bullied the brighter kids. We were picked last. I was a quick runner but knee high to the proverbial grasshopper so I felt useless at netball, which was the main sport for girls. The alternative was hockey, which I rather liked. You played it with the same bullying kids but you had a stick which you could wrap round their ankles and that was highly gratifying. Rounders was a unisex affair played as a form of crowd control in lessons when the usual teacher was absent. I hated it above all things, it bred a sort of mob rule which nothing else did. The pressure was incredible and although I wasn't bad at connecting with the ball I did so with a lump of ice in my guts every time.

I still marvel at the fact that I had no idea what the funny nets at the bottom of the sports field were for. We never played cricket. Not once. I used to resent the fact but actually I should be grateful. I still think that rounders is an inherently inferior game but given the lifelong hatred my teachers and fellow pupils engendered for it I am glad cricket was unsullied.

My sports teachers were a special breed, which at one time seem to have been quite common, essentially they were the sporty kid writ large, a grown up version of the kid who berated you for failing to slog the ball in rounders or stop the hockey ball whizzing into the goal.

In spite of all this, my induction to playing sport was not overwhelmingly negative. It is hard to see why it should have been so incredibly difficult for me to try any physical skill. I feel that there is something innate here which I have seen in some of my own, and other people's children. Some children are self conscious about being observed playing with their toys from an early age whilst others spontaneously turn their play into a play for the benefit of an audience. The fact that a physical diffidence can be natural though doesn't mean that it should be left to develop into life-limiting embarrassment about moving a muscle in public.

The hardest part of practising any kind of physical skill, from volleyball to ballroom dancing to yoga is the beginning. Once a skill is familiar it becomes less paralysing to practise it publicly. The most important thing I think we can do for children is to give them this ability to perform. This might sound peculiar, as if I am suggesting that we should turn them into a side show or stick them on stage but I mean something quite different. The confidence that proceeds from repeated performance of a skill is something that everyone should experience at an early age. Repeated failures are equally important. Most people aren't afraid of being seen playing sport, or dancing, or exercising per se they are afraid of being seen to fail or make a fool of themselves. Just as the skill comes more consistently with practice, so, often, does the ability to manage the failure.

Presenting children with opportunities to try dancing, sport and movement at as early an age as possible is crucial. Waiting for school to offer these opportunities is probably leaving it a bit late. There are lots of classes offering young children to develop their physical confidence and abilities, many of which are really excellent. They can be very expensive though and are often missing an important trick – the engaged involvement of parents.

The All Stars programme which the ECB has initiated this year attempts to engage 5-8 year olds with cricket at an age where the preference for football is usually being established. It's ethos is easy going with an emphasis on play for playing's sake but at the same time maintaining a high energy level. It's a perfect fit for most children of the age group. An important part of the approach has been the involvement of parents playing with their children. It perhaps hasn't worked out as intended. In my experience parents are reluctant to get involved and those who do often adopt the role of coach. Part of this is could be a failure of communication. The truly excellent advertising campaign ostensibly targeted the kids, bringing parents on board through the involvement of top drawer players. The campaign showed children practising their newly acquired skills with a parent. What was perhaps missed along the way was communicating to the parents why it is important for them to be involved.

Parents are very prone to underestimating their importance. Primary schools pile massive amounts of resources into getting children reading. However one of the most important factors in literacy is having parents who read books and who read to their children. Similarly the involvement of parents in the All Stars programme was intended to provide children with parents who can model engagement with and enjoyment of physical skills. The trouble might just be that many of the parents don't have the necessary confidence to 'perform' and so feel too inhibited to get involved.

For what it's worth these are my thoughts on developing physical confidence. Primarily I am writing as a parent but some of these points apply to all ages of beginner:

• Start early. If you have a toddler at home set up games in the back garden with what you have. Use a laundry basket as a target and throw bean bags or balls into it. Draw hopscotch on the patio. Spread out floor jigsaw pieces in a large room or dry garden and see how quickly you can make the jigsaw if you and your child take turns gathering one piece at a time. Alternatively Poundland can provide you with golf, hoopla, skittles and catch games for, you guessed it, a pound.

• Create an environment in which trying new skills feels safe and pressure feels low at the outset.

• Never compel a child (or anyone else) to try a physical skill. Try instead to encourage, make it fun, model it. Make it an irresistible challenge.

• Try explaining in simple terms why you want them to try something, rather than assuming that they wont understand the rationale. This might really work for the child who's question is always “but why?”

• Don't be afraid of failure. Model a good attitude towards dropping a catch, playing and missing, bowling a sky-er. When a child makes a mistake don't avert your eyes or pretend it didn't happen, smile, even laugh (naturally, I don't mean a hearty guffaw) and acknowledge the effort. It's crucially important to learn to laugh at yourself, and to understand the difference between being ridiculed and affectionate humour. “Unlucky” is a popular phrase and in many cases is a pretty honest response. If you want to offer constructive criticism of the technique you can still praise the effort or commitment or attitude.

• Offer as many opportunities as possible to try a skill but avoid putting a child into a sequence of situations which they may struggle to adapt to. Dipping a toe into sports together might give you a lead on where your child's enthusiasm lies.

• Steer a course between encouraging a child to finish what they have started, in terms of a course of sessions or a game and being ready to let go when they are not interested or unhappy.

• Fulfil your own dreams. Your children are individuals with their own hopes and aspirations. They have a lifetime to fulfil them in but then so do you. The odds of your child playing for England at Lord's Wembley, or Wimbledon are probably slim so it's essential that the sport itself is reward enough. If they are playing because it's what you always wanted to do it's time to find a way of doing it yourself.